From the hip One of the greatest gifts to our youth will be the skills to survive financially
Empowering means to enable, liberate, engage, free and permit. It is the drawing out of the very best in a person without the constraints of expectation or entitlement. It is the inside growth of a human being that gives them the power and the drive to change their life, succeed in school and business, to lead and to love. Empowerment is unconditional support.
I was once asked to describe the antithesis of empowerment. If you Google this question you will find all kinds of references to limiting knowledge or processes. I believe it to be something very different. The antithesis of empowerment, or the creature that kills it, is conditional support. A “strings attached” support that has nothing to do with growth and may have everything to do with conformity.
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A young girl wants to join the mechanics club and is without any previous background or required tools. The first response by a parent may be mumbling about heavy work and cost. Or, it may be conditional on other grades, no interference with required care of siblings or a “we’ll see” answer. This is a slow start to empowerment and really just an expression of the parents fear. A more empowering response may be “Of course, that may lead you to discover a whole new set of skills and meet new friends. How interesting! I cannot wait to hear about your first meeting. Now how do you choose to meet your other obligations and what can we do together to ensure your current commitments are addressed. Is there anything that needs changing?”
Notice how the ownership of the choice stayed with the girl who wanted to join the mechanics club. She may love or leave mechanics, but it was her choice to join and her choice to find ways to make it work within the family. Giving others guidance is important but real empowerment comes to them — and to you — when they are permitted to own their actions, words, mistakes, successes and commitments. I recall my son coming home and announcing that he was getting an earring. I responded with “That is an interesting choice and will look great on you.” Left with the choice and unconditional support he did not get an earring. And it would have mattered not if he did, because an earring does not define or limit the talent within a man.
Mentorship is the way to empower an individual. It is not teaching or regulating. It is the bringing forth or the bringing up all that is unique about an individual. I started professional mentoring years ago and what always amazes me is how talented individuals are. Remember that these are often men, women and children who are stuck, troubled, uncertain, fearful, out of touch with themselves or others and always doubtful of their abilities. We don’t have to talk long before they realize that how they see themselves and who they are differs. It is like watching a plant grow in the pasture years after it was seeded. Who knew it was there?
Recently, I was approached by an angry young man whom was under a lot of pressure with a new business. His parents, he said, simply did not understand. Listening for details it was clear this was no ordinary change. This was a new business in another country to which he was moving to in the next year, taking with him a favoured daughter-in-law and the grandchildren. He was the only child and a business partner with his parents. He had made a choice as an adult but was caught in the emotional details.
Change for parents can be challenging — especially when real love is involved. I kindly reminded him that being a parent is not limited to age and to respect that the parental static he felt he was getting was simply an expression of their love and fear for him. He had made a choice, set a goal. There was no doubt in my mind that he would succeed and I told him so but his challenge for the day was to see things for what they were. When we are in one spot and choose to be in another (literally or figuratively) then there is a distance between those two points that we term as the journey. It is like the market changes between the day we buy a contract and the day we deliver on the contract. The volatility in between is called noise. We have a choice to be part of the noise or to mentor so the journey for the individual is less distractive — even when it hurts us to let go.
Likely one of the greatest gifts to our youth will be the skills to survive financially. I did not say to give them the money to survive, that would be cheating them of the dignity of making choices, but to encourage business smarts from the moment they enter our lives. I think of a young man who wrote me lately saying he is so proud of his partner who owns land and a few businesses on her own while raising children and encouraging him to do his thing. Sound idealistic? Not really — it is a story of a young woman mentored and encouraged who came to strongly believe in herself, can distance herself from the noise on the journey and who practices an extraordinary set of financial disciplines. My own mentor reminded me years ago that if I do one thing for myself as I face the future, it should be to read a balance sheet. He was right. And I look back on my life; the earliest gift I could have given those around me was to believe in myself and to find a financial mentor!
Empowering the youth who are our future is to encourage creative thought and a set of disciplines. It is to stop being part of the noise and to respect individual choices. We do this now in a mentorship role because given the chance — our youth will boldly surpass the confines’ of our expectations!
